Happy Monday! The week is off to a great start. My family and I had a great day yesterday with our church family and friends. I am thankful for the friendships that I have in my life now. The women that I have become close friends with are women who have also taken the journey of surrendering to the Lord. I can recall many of my friendships in the past; from childhood through high school and even during my time as an adult. Whew! Today, I understand better, know how to have and maintain HEALTHY friendships.
When you are younger, you learn by experiencing. You won't know what makes a person mad or upset, until you do it. You find out that, what you can handle, others can't. But, I also learned that, if you don't correct certain behaviors of your own; you just take them with you throughout life. Within my circle of friends; I was always the one that gave the advice, motivate others, made them laugh, and encouraged them. Many times, it was what kept me sane with my own troubles. Being able to help someone else with their issues, made me feel wanted and accepted. But, just as I was doing good deeds, there was also that person that could be hurtful, phony and uncaring. You see, I thought that I had to maintain a certain image...be strong! Don't let anyone see you be weak, help them with their problems, but, don't let them know you have problems. Not only were my friendships unbalanced they were unhealthy. There were a lot of times I felt alone, when I was this type of friend.
I always maintained close relationships, when I was friends with someone - we were friends! We did everything together, we hung out, we dated guys from the same circle, played the same sports; we were tit-for-tat. But, I was very controlling in those friendships; I made all the plans, gave all the advice, I was the leader. And although I don't knock leadership, it's very needed; however, there is a way to be a leader. I didn't consider other people's feelings, they didn't have a voice or a say in the matter. And when you are a likable person, people just tend to roll with you.
I handled my friendships from my own experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences dealt with hurt, rejection, disappointment and whatever else took residence in my life. So even though I thought I was being a good friend, I wasn't. You see, I didn't even realize when I was gossiping about someone, because, to me, I was just saying what I thought was right - stating the facts! Oh, I always had a position on something. Always had an answer or a solution. And if I was expressing my opinion, it was okay, I had convinced myself, I was right and others were wrong ... WOW! If someone didn't like me, oh well - they had the problem not me. They were the "haters" and I was doing me.
You know what I have learned, from being this type of friend ... You Hurt A lot of People! When you are talking about a person to someone else and your intentions are not to help or ask for agreement in prayer ... you are GOSSIPING. If someone has confided in you, and you now turn around and judge them and treat them differently ... you are PHONY. If you feed off of the weaknesses of someone else, especially a friend ... you are INSECURE, and you have no loyalty.
Not all of my friendships were bad, but, there was enough of them to make me really look at myself, and realize that there were things in me that I needed to change. A friendship must have balance; give and take. There needs to be honesty ... transparency for the sake of trust. And what I have really found out, you do need a spiritual connection in relationships. The Lord needs to be present in them.
The women that are close in my life today; are inspiring, transparent, and God-fearing. We don't have unrealistic or ungodly expectations for one another. I can call my friends and share with them and we can encourage one another and pray with each other on the phone; being in agreement that God gets the glory and not us. We are checked quickly by the Holy Spirit when gossiping or judgement tries to rise up. And though we are not perfect women, we are women who have yielded to the Lord and have chosen to trust HIM and have learned it is by HIS GRACE that we are who we are today.
Have you ever reflected on the friendships that you have had in your life? Were you like me; the controlling one? Are their individuals that you need to reach out to and ask for their forgiveness, as I have found myself having to do and will still do when I fall short? I encourage you today, be a better friend. Be the friend that adds to a person's life and not subtract. Trust the Lord to go before you and help you.
Remember, surrender all...
Tynisha
When you are younger, you learn by experiencing. You won't know what makes a person mad or upset, until you do it. You find out that, what you can handle, others can't. But, I also learned that, if you don't correct certain behaviors of your own; you just take them with you throughout life. Within my circle of friends; I was always the one that gave the advice, motivate others, made them laugh, and encouraged them. Many times, it was what kept me sane with my own troubles. Being able to help someone else with their issues, made me feel wanted and accepted. But, just as I was doing good deeds, there was also that person that could be hurtful, phony and uncaring. You see, I thought that I had to maintain a certain image...be strong! Don't let anyone see you be weak, help them with their problems, but, don't let them know you have problems. Not only were my friendships unbalanced they were unhealthy. There were a lot of times I felt alone, when I was this type of friend.
I always maintained close relationships, when I was friends with someone - we were friends! We did everything together, we hung out, we dated guys from the same circle, played the same sports; we were tit-for-tat. But, I was very controlling in those friendships; I made all the plans, gave all the advice, I was the leader. And although I don't knock leadership, it's very needed; however, there is a way to be a leader. I didn't consider other people's feelings, they didn't have a voice or a say in the matter. And when you are a likable person, people just tend to roll with you.
I handled my friendships from my own experiences. Unfortunately, those experiences dealt with hurt, rejection, disappointment and whatever else took residence in my life. So even though I thought I was being a good friend, I wasn't. You see, I didn't even realize when I was gossiping about someone, because, to me, I was just saying what I thought was right - stating the facts! Oh, I always had a position on something. Always had an answer or a solution. And if I was expressing my opinion, it was okay, I had convinced myself, I was right and others were wrong ... WOW! If someone didn't like me, oh well - they had the problem not me. They were the "haters" and I was doing me.
You know what I have learned, from being this type of friend ... You Hurt A lot of People! When you are talking about a person to someone else and your intentions are not to help or ask for agreement in prayer ... you are GOSSIPING. If someone has confided in you, and you now turn around and judge them and treat them differently ... you are PHONY. If you feed off of the weaknesses of someone else, especially a friend ... you are INSECURE, and you have no loyalty.
Not all of my friendships were bad, but, there was enough of them to make me really look at myself, and realize that there were things in me that I needed to change. A friendship must have balance; give and take. There needs to be honesty ... transparency for the sake of trust. And what I have really found out, you do need a spiritual connection in relationships. The Lord needs to be present in them.
The women that are close in my life today; are inspiring, transparent, and God-fearing. We don't have unrealistic or ungodly expectations for one another. I can call my friends and share with them and we can encourage one another and pray with each other on the phone; being in agreement that God gets the glory and not us. We are checked quickly by the Holy Spirit when gossiping or judgement tries to rise up. And though we are not perfect women, we are women who have yielded to the Lord and have chosen to trust HIM and have learned it is by HIS GRACE that we are who we are today.
Have you ever reflected on the friendships that you have had in your life? Were you like me; the controlling one? Are their individuals that you need to reach out to and ask for their forgiveness, as I have found myself having to do and will still do when I fall short? I encourage you today, be a better friend. Be the friend that adds to a person's life and not subtract. Trust the Lord to go before you and help you.
Remember, surrender all...
Tynisha
That is so good, Tynisha! I seems that in past lives (BC) we were twins in the area of friendship. BUT GOD! I have to admit that I am still honing my friendship skills, but I am a much better friend than I once was. Thank you for your transparency. It allows me to see myself and my journey through Christian eye which allows me to know that I am not alone and that I am indeed growing.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a new season Michelle, It's going to be a great year !!!
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