This month is Black History month and I enjoy seeing the different memorials honoring historical African-American leaders and learning of their accomplishments. I know that a big recognition of this, is the fact that the black people are no longer enslaved ... they have received their Freedom! And I am truly grateful for that, I am a beneficiary of it. In this post I am going to reflect on freedom. Not the type of freedom that was given to the slaves, although I don't take anything away from that and the presence that it has in our world today. I'm going to reflect on the freedom that we receive from the lord ... a freedom that not only sets us free, but allows us to be clean and pure. To be free of something, you first had to have been enslaved to it, held in bondage by it. So many things can keep us bound; addictions, sinful behavior, mindsets and attitudes, personality traits, etc. Some may agree that we have become enslaved to this "technology world" that we live in. Not being able to function without it, depending on it for everything that we do.
For me, when I think about the time in my life when I was enslaved and what kept me in bondage ... I think about how pride ruled my life. Now, you might think, how can someone be in bondage to pride? Very easily. Pride is built on rejection. If forms through the thoughts of self-glorification. To get the recognition, attention, acknowledgement, or encouragement that you didn't get somewhere in life. I can remember always telling myself from when I was a kid, I am going to be better than my parents, I am going to do everything everyone said that I couldn't. I will show them! I might have failed the 2nd grade, but I am going to be a scholar, you just wait, they will see. I'm going to have a big house and get everything I want. Well, I did just that. And you know what I found out ... I was still not free!!! I was still searching for things in life to continue to satisfy those feelings and emotions. I went to college, got my degree. And found out that I really wasn't dumb after all. So I went back and got another degree. And that went exceptionally well. So I thought, what the heck!, get another one ... and I did. And had not the Lord stepped in, I probably would be on my 5th degree by now. Now, let me clarify; I am not against anyone having better for their life. And I am certainly not against education; I am an advocate for it. For me, it was my reasoning for doing these things.
You see, when I failed the 2nd grade, that did something to me. I shut down in side, I wore the sign that said "failure" around my neck. I had lost all confidence. I went through school doing just enough to get by. There was no encouragement; no one telling me, "you can do it"! After high school is when I remember that I had made that promise to myself that I was going prove everyone wrong. So I started my journey, without the help and guidance of the Lord. I checked off education on my list, marriage ... check, good job ... checked, a house .... checked, kids .... check. Why wasn't this enough? Why did I still feel empty? Why did my search continue to free not cease, but continue? I wasn't free. Matter-of-fact, I was digging the hole deeper. Pride was eating my life away. I couldn't even make good conscious decisions, because, everyone of them hinged on if it was going to benefit me. What was I going to get out of the deal and would it make me shine!
I had no freedom, because I had not gone to the one who can grant liberty ... the Lord. When I look back on all that I achieved in my life; much of it was self-inflicted. Sure there were times, that I would call upon the Lord for favor and ask for HIS guidance and he would bless me. But, because I had not surrender totally, I had limited access. I didn't dwell in HIS presence. My relationship with him at the time, was one of conditions. You do for me, and I will praise you. I didn't make a connection with HIS spirit. God's word tells us in 2 Corinthians 3:17, "where the spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM"! And if I could be really honest, I didn't think I was worthy enough to have a true relationship with the Lord. My pride had left me soiled and stained with self-affirmation ... I was unclean (thank you Lord that you see me differently). I was confined and restrained by my pride. You see, I needed to be free from failing the 2nd grade. The rejection that came with that started to take over my life at the age of 7. And it took me to get to the age of 32, to recognize, that it still occupied space in my life.
Pride is exhausting. It keeps you on the roller coaster of loops and dips with increasing speed making the ride that much more desirable. But like any roller coaster, the ride ends. You get off, and your are dizzy, sometimes even sick, and you tell yourself again for the hundredth time; "I am not going to do that again." Until the next time you feel rejected or discouraged, and the ride starts up again! There is a freedom that is available to all mankind, no matter race, creed, sex. or gender. It is a freedom that wipes the slate clean. It breaks the chains of bondage and releases you from solitary confinement. Freedom is a choice and we can break agreement with strong-holds. We don't have to live a life of enslavement. The Lord offers freedom to us, and I needed to take HIM up on his offer.
Today, I'm free from pride. I am not chasing credentials that have been outlined by this world. I know see the success in my failures. I'm walking, not with the approval of others, but with the Spirit of the Lord, I am walking in freedom ... CLEAN FREEDOM!
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
For me, when I think about the time in my life when I was enslaved and what kept me in bondage ... I think about how pride ruled my life. Now, you might think, how can someone be in bondage to pride? Very easily. Pride is built on rejection. If forms through the thoughts of self-glorification. To get the recognition, attention, acknowledgement, or encouragement that you didn't get somewhere in life. I can remember always telling myself from when I was a kid, I am going to be better than my parents, I am going to do everything everyone said that I couldn't. I will show them! I might have failed the 2nd grade, but I am going to be a scholar, you just wait, they will see. I'm going to have a big house and get everything I want. Well, I did just that. And you know what I found out ... I was still not free!!! I was still searching for things in life to continue to satisfy those feelings and emotions. I went to college, got my degree. And found out that I really wasn't dumb after all. So I went back and got another degree. And that went exceptionally well. So I thought, what the heck!, get another one ... and I did. And had not the Lord stepped in, I probably would be on my 5th degree by now. Now, let me clarify; I am not against anyone having better for their life. And I am certainly not against education; I am an advocate for it. For me, it was my reasoning for doing these things.
You see, when I failed the 2nd grade, that did something to me. I shut down in side, I wore the sign that said "failure" around my neck. I had lost all confidence. I went through school doing just enough to get by. There was no encouragement; no one telling me, "you can do it"! After high school is when I remember that I had made that promise to myself that I was going prove everyone wrong. So I started my journey, without the help and guidance of the Lord. I checked off education on my list, marriage ... check, good job ... checked, a house .... checked, kids .... check. Why wasn't this enough? Why did I still feel empty? Why did my search continue to free not cease, but continue? I wasn't free. Matter-of-fact, I was digging the hole deeper. Pride was eating my life away. I couldn't even make good conscious decisions, because, everyone of them hinged on if it was going to benefit me. What was I going to get out of the deal and would it make me shine!
I had no freedom, because I had not gone to the one who can grant liberty ... the Lord. When I look back on all that I achieved in my life; much of it was self-inflicted. Sure there were times, that I would call upon the Lord for favor and ask for HIS guidance and he would bless me. But, because I had not surrender totally, I had limited access. I didn't dwell in HIS presence. My relationship with him at the time, was one of conditions. You do for me, and I will praise you. I didn't make a connection with HIS spirit. God's word tells us in 2 Corinthians 3:17, "where the spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM"! And if I could be really honest, I didn't think I was worthy enough to have a true relationship with the Lord. My pride had left me soiled and stained with self-affirmation ... I was unclean (thank you Lord that you see me differently). I was confined and restrained by my pride. You see, I needed to be free from failing the 2nd grade. The rejection that came with that started to take over my life at the age of 7. And it took me to get to the age of 32, to recognize, that it still occupied space in my life.
Pride is exhausting. It keeps you on the roller coaster of loops and dips with increasing speed making the ride that much more desirable. But like any roller coaster, the ride ends. You get off, and your are dizzy, sometimes even sick, and you tell yourself again for the hundredth time; "I am not going to do that again." Until the next time you feel rejected or discouraged, and the ride starts up again! There is a freedom that is available to all mankind, no matter race, creed, sex. or gender. It is a freedom that wipes the slate clean. It breaks the chains of bondage and releases you from solitary confinement. Freedom is a choice and we can break agreement with strong-holds. We don't have to live a life of enslavement. The Lord offers freedom to us, and I needed to take HIM up on his offer.
Today, I'm free from pride. I am not chasing credentials that have been outlined by this world. I know see the success in my failures. I'm walking, not with the approval of others, but with the Spirit of the Lord, I am walking in freedom ... CLEAN FREEDOM!
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
It feels like you were meant to do what you are doing now. It truly seems like you are anointed to do this blog.
ReplyDeleteThe enemy lied to you the entire time- I'm glad you finally saw the truth!
Amen, M. The work of the Lord needs to be talked. He deserves all the credit. I am just thankful to be chosen as a tool.
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