Today I had to deal with a situation with a student who became disruptive and disrespectful in my class. The situation took place towards the end of the day last Friday and so there really wasn't a lot of time to deal with it then. I thought about it over the weekend; how I was going to approach it, what the Lord had revealed to me and what the outcome should be. In seeking the Lord, he took me back to a time when my husband and I was receiving parenting counseling. In that counseling session, we learned how; obedience does not mean agreement.
You see, it's easy for us to obey a request or a command. But it doesn't necessarily mean, you are in agreement with it. For us to get to a place of agreement, we first have to get to a place of acknowledgement and acceptance. It's kinda like entering rehab or starting a rehabilitation program of some type. You first have to acknowledge that you have a problem or there is a problem and then accept your behavior, choices and the fact that you are responsible for your actions.When dealing with my student, he made the reference when I sent him to the administrator of the school, that, he was use to the routine and he would be back to apologize, only because he was being told to, not because he wanted to.
Now, I don't want to sit here and just focus on this student. I want to put this more on a mature, adult level and I am going to relate it to a topic that many of us can relate to ... Submission!!! I can remember during the beginning of my marriage. I was so excited to be married, I had gone to conferences learning how to be the "good wife." I had read books and watch videos on how to be a "help" and not a "hindrance" to my husband. I was ready. I could remember, I was so in love with the "idea" of marriage that I would find myself putting on a front of my friends; calling him when I was out shopping, asking him if I could purchase a pair of shoes or if he was okay with me hanging out with my friends; oh, I was determined to be the "good wife."
But let me be real. Yeah, I had learned what to do and what not to do as the wife and in my marriage, but, you know what? I wasn't in agreement. I desired to be a good wife, I just had my own terms for being one. I really didn't agree with the fact that I had to call home and ask if I could purchase a pair of shoes or a handbag or even discuss certain things with my husband. But, I did it, because, I was told that it was the right thing to do. After awhile, things began to come to the surface. I got tired of asking permission and I wasn't in agreement with it. Sure, I could do the ACT of submission, but, I wasn't actually submitting, because I didn't agree.
The Lord has really dealt a lot with me on this and continues to help me when I fall short. And recently at the "Love and Respect" marriage conference that my church had, I learned even more. The Lord requires for us as wives to respect our husbands unconditionally, not based on performance. And I want to be careful how I word things, but, I also want to make it plan. Submission does not have to be some intense act of losing your identity or self-worth as a woman or a wife. There's actually strength in being able to humble yourself and get to a place of agreement with an individual, especially your spouse. For me to be in agreement with my husband, I first needed to respect that he was the head of our marriage and home. And with that, I needed to respect the role that the Lord has put him in and trust that through the guidance of the Lord, my husband will lead our family correctly. And not just be in agreement or show and give him respect when I feel like he deserves it or he has performed well.
You see, truth is, we all submit on a daily basis. We submit to our spouses or to our bosses and we submit to the law. And when we are doing things for the sake of just doing them, the day will come, when we can't hold it in anymore and we just blow up. I would start arguing with my husband over spending money or making decisions concerning the kids and not get his input on things first. After awhile, you get tired of being fake and the real you comes out.
I learn how to submit first to the Lord, then my husband during my season of deliverance. I had to surrender my will and submit to the Lord's will. I couldn't just obey what he was telling me to do, I needed to be in agreement with it. I had to agree with the way that I was functioning in my marriage was not the right way. And even today, when there are times that I don't agree, I have to go to the Lord and ask for His help. Ask Him to show me why my agreement is important in a particular situation and ask Him to help me get to a place of understanding and agreement.
We may not like everything our bosses say or do, and we just heed to the request out of obedience. But why not go a step further and find out, how we can get to a place of agreement. For me, I had to deal with my pride. Pride was my biggest reason for not agreeing. If I didn't come up with it, or it wasn't going to play out like I needed it to and it wasn't going to benefit me, then, I wasn't agreeing to it. Agreement can't be one-sided.
I'm glad that the Lord continues to help me with this. Doing something for the sake of being told to do it and not agreeing with it, was destroying my marriage. I was being deceptive; misleading my husband into thinking that I was in agreement with him, when really I wasn't. I want to encourage you today, don't "fake the funk!" don't do something just because you are told to do something ... be in agreement. The Lord honors agreement. It's so much easier now when my husband and I need to make a decision on something concerning our family and we need to bring it before the Lord and we are in agreement. Matthew 18:19 confirms "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
You see, it's easy for us to obey a request or a command. But it doesn't necessarily mean, you are in agreement with it. For us to get to a place of agreement, we first have to get to a place of acknowledgement and acceptance. It's kinda like entering rehab or starting a rehabilitation program of some type. You first have to acknowledge that you have a problem or there is a problem and then accept your behavior, choices and the fact that you are responsible for your actions.When dealing with my student, he made the reference when I sent him to the administrator of the school, that, he was use to the routine and he would be back to apologize, only because he was being told to, not because he wanted to.
Now, I don't want to sit here and just focus on this student. I want to put this more on a mature, adult level and I am going to relate it to a topic that many of us can relate to ... Submission!!! I can remember during the beginning of my marriage. I was so excited to be married, I had gone to conferences learning how to be the "good wife." I had read books and watch videos on how to be a "help" and not a "hindrance" to my husband. I was ready. I could remember, I was so in love with the "idea" of marriage that I would find myself putting on a front of my friends; calling him when I was out shopping, asking him if I could purchase a pair of shoes or if he was okay with me hanging out with my friends; oh, I was determined to be the "good wife."
But let me be real. Yeah, I had learned what to do and what not to do as the wife and in my marriage, but, you know what? I wasn't in agreement. I desired to be a good wife, I just had my own terms for being one. I really didn't agree with the fact that I had to call home and ask if I could purchase a pair of shoes or a handbag or even discuss certain things with my husband. But, I did it, because, I was told that it was the right thing to do. After awhile, things began to come to the surface. I got tired of asking permission and I wasn't in agreement with it. Sure, I could do the ACT of submission, but, I wasn't actually submitting, because I didn't agree.
The Lord has really dealt a lot with me on this and continues to help me when I fall short. And recently at the "Love and Respect" marriage conference that my church had, I learned even more. The Lord requires for us as wives to respect our husbands unconditionally, not based on performance. And I want to be careful how I word things, but, I also want to make it plan. Submission does not have to be some intense act of losing your identity or self-worth as a woman or a wife. There's actually strength in being able to humble yourself and get to a place of agreement with an individual, especially your spouse. For me to be in agreement with my husband, I first needed to respect that he was the head of our marriage and home. And with that, I needed to respect the role that the Lord has put him in and trust that through the guidance of the Lord, my husband will lead our family correctly. And not just be in agreement or show and give him respect when I feel like he deserves it or he has performed well.
You see, truth is, we all submit on a daily basis. We submit to our spouses or to our bosses and we submit to the law. And when we are doing things for the sake of just doing them, the day will come, when we can't hold it in anymore and we just blow up. I would start arguing with my husband over spending money or making decisions concerning the kids and not get his input on things first. After awhile, you get tired of being fake and the real you comes out.
I learn how to submit first to the Lord, then my husband during my season of deliverance. I had to surrender my will and submit to the Lord's will. I couldn't just obey what he was telling me to do, I needed to be in agreement with it. I had to agree with the way that I was functioning in my marriage was not the right way. And even today, when there are times that I don't agree, I have to go to the Lord and ask for His help. Ask Him to show me why my agreement is important in a particular situation and ask Him to help me get to a place of understanding and agreement.
We may not like everything our bosses say or do, and we just heed to the request out of obedience. But why not go a step further and find out, how we can get to a place of agreement. For me, I had to deal with my pride. Pride was my biggest reason for not agreeing. If I didn't come up with it, or it wasn't going to play out like I needed it to and it wasn't going to benefit me, then, I wasn't agreeing to it. Agreement can't be one-sided.
I'm glad that the Lord continues to help me with this. Doing something for the sake of being told to do it and not agreeing with it, was destroying my marriage. I was being deceptive; misleading my husband into thinking that I was in agreement with him, when really I wasn't. I want to encourage you today, don't "fake the funk!" don't do something just because you are told to do something ... be in agreement. The Lord honors agreement. It's so much easier now when my husband and I need to make a decision on something concerning our family and we need to bring it before the Lord and we are in agreement. Matthew 18:19 confirms "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
Great topic! Wonderful metaphor. I too have had major struggles in my marriage because of a un submitted heart. For years I confused obeying with submission, praise God for Pastor teaching us the difference!
ReplyDeleteAmen Ericka, I have learned that there has to be agreement.
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