This past week has been very busy. It's funny how when you are off from work and you set in your mind that you are going to take the time to rest and relax ... yeah! that didn't seem to happen for me this past week. However, I was able to get a massage in, so I guess that counts for something and my day even included family time which I always enjoy. One of the most exciting things that I did involved being on a large platform to bring awareness on a controversial topic to a large population of women. After reflecting on the event to be even more effective for the next time, I also began to reflect on myself. Not so much of what I did right or wrong during the event, but on myself as a whole; where I am today in my womanhood.
You see, there use to be a time in my life when I would be in settings where the majority is made up of women, I would be quick to size myself up with every woman in the room. My mind would begin to spin the wheels of comparison and judgement. I would start thinking to myself; are my qualifications good enough? Do I belong in the room with these women? What if I don't get any compliments? Is my hair and make-up in tact?, and it just goes on and on. I looked at those women thinking, I am they only in the room with issues and they are all so confident and secure in who they are. I developed my on own perceptions and created this world in my mind that left me excluded by my own insecurities!
Until I gave the Lord full access to my life, I struggled with who I was. I really didn't know who I was. I knew what I could do, but, I didn't know who I was. My insecurities would be on the surface all the time, I would wear them like an outfit. I'm even convinced that they are why I can be very competitive. Being able to beat someone at something; fuels my confidence, to me, I was better than you and I felt on top. Winning was what validated me - for that moment, it hid my insecurities. When I would receive compliments, in my mind, they confirmed that I was good enough or did something right.
This recent event really displayed the work that the Lord has began in my life and what is still being done. For the first time, I was in a room with other women from all types of walks of life, different backgrounds, different shades of colors, with different looks, with different levels of achievement and I felt so FREE! I was confident and sure of myself, I laughed more and it didn't matter if I lacked anything, I initiated conversation more and shared my testimony and gave hope and it was all because; today, I know who I am in Christ. And when that moment came, that I said to myself, "hey, I didn't get a compliment, or no one noticed this or that." (because I do know the Lord is still doing the work He started in me) the Lord reminded me that the Glory was all HIS and the recognition that was given, it was given to Him. Now, in that I walk away encouraged. How, you might ask (because its not about me)? Today, I am able to recognize that the fact that I could be in an arena like this and do the work of the Lord and not be hindered by my insecurities, is a display of what the Lord is doing in my life. My focus was to deliver God's message. It didn't matter if they knew Tynisha and what Tynisha has done; do you know the Lord and what HE has done and can do in your life, was the focus.
I often think about why the insecurities. Why are we as women always trying to measure ourselves up with one another? Why do we always assume that someone else is living a better life than we are? Why do we notice when some one else is prettier than us or thinner than us? Why? Why does it matter? Why does it matter if we are not chosen for a promotion, to head up a project, to be recognized in front of the crowd, why, why, why? I have come to the answer; we desperately need the Lord in our lives. We need the Holy Spirit in us because without Him, the scripture 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! holds no weight and you don't believe and see who you are in Christ. You see for me, until this became real in my life, until I allowed the Lord in; I couldn't see pass my insecurities. I wasn't convinced that I was new, I still struggled with, "was I good enough?" I wasn't convinced that I was enough for my husband and an apple in his eyes (no matter how much he would tell me and show me), I convinced myself, my kids would be better off with a different mom. As the Lord began to snatch my insecurities away from me one-by-one, in the process, He should me how He saw me and what He thought about me ...
Proverbs 31! The Lord has found a virtuous woman ... ME!
You see, there use to be a time in my life when I would be in settings where the majority is made up of women, I would be quick to size myself up with every woman in the room. My mind would begin to spin the wheels of comparison and judgement. I would start thinking to myself; are my qualifications good enough? Do I belong in the room with these women? What if I don't get any compliments? Is my hair and make-up in tact?, and it just goes on and on. I looked at those women thinking, I am they only in the room with issues and they are all so confident and secure in who they are. I developed my on own perceptions and created this world in my mind that left me excluded by my own insecurities!
Until I gave the Lord full access to my life, I struggled with who I was. I really didn't know who I was. I knew what I could do, but, I didn't know who I was. My insecurities would be on the surface all the time, I would wear them like an outfit. I'm even convinced that they are why I can be very competitive. Being able to beat someone at something; fuels my confidence, to me, I was better than you and I felt on top. Winning was what validated me - for that moment, it hid my insecurities. When I would receive compliments, in my mind, they confirmed that I was good enough or did something right.
This recent event really displayed the work that the Lord has began in my life and what is still being done. For the first time, I was in a room with other women from all types of walks of life, different backgrounds, different shades of colors, with different looks, with different levels of achievement and I felt so FREE! I was confident and sure of myself, I laughed more and it didn't matter if I lacked anything, I initiated conversation more and shared my testimony and gave hope and it was all because; today, I know who I am in Christ. And when that moment came, that I said to myself, "hey, I didn't get a compliment, or no one noticed this or that." (because I do know the Lord is still doing the work He started in me) the Lord reminded me that the Glory was all HIS and the recognition that was given, it was given to Him. Now, in that I walk away encouraged. How, you might ask (because its not about me)? Today, I am able to recognize that the fact that I could be in an arena like this and do the work of the Lord and not be hindered by my insecurities, is a display of what the Lord is doing in my life. My focus was to deliver God's message. It didn't matter if they knew Tynisha and what Tynisha has done; do you know the Lord and what HE has done and can do in your life, was the focus.
I often think about why the insecurities. Why are we as women always trying to measure ourselves up with one another? Why do we always assume that someone else is living a better life than we are? Why do we notice when some one else is prettier than us or thinner than us? Why? Why does it matter? Why does it matter if we are not chosen for a promotion, to head up a project, to be recognized in front of the crowd, why, why, why? I have come to the answer; we desperately need the Lord in our lives. We need the Holy Spirit in us because without Him, the scripture 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! holds no weight and you don't believe and see who you are in Christ. You see for me, until this became real in my life, until I allowed the Lord in; I couldn't see pass my insecurities. I wasn't convinced that I was new, I still struggled with, "was I good enough?" I wasn't convinced that I was enough for my husband and an apple in his eyes (no matter how much he would tell me and show me), I convinced myself, my kids would be better off with a different mom. As the Lord began to snatch my insecurities away from me one-by-one, in the process, He should me how He saw me and what He thought about me ...
Proverbs 31! The Lord has found a virtuous woman ... ME!
v.10 - I have worth and my value is priceless.
v.11 - My husband's heart and is dedicated to me.
v.12 - I will care for my husband and do right by him.
v.13 & 14 - I am hard at work and concern for the things of our home.
v.15 - And although I am not a morning person, I don't slumber and there is substance in our home.
v.16 - I am learning to be a good steward over our finances.
v.17 - Not only can I multi-task but I am in good health.
v.18 - I am confident in the Lord.
v.19 - I am not idol with my time.
v.20 - I care about others.
v.21 - My children and husband are clothed.
v.22 - I am clothed in modesty.
v.23 - My husband is honored by my submission.
v.24 - I will sacrifice.
v.25 - I am strong in the Lord.
v.26 - I don't gossip (anymore) or cause division.
v.27 - My household is my concern.
v.28 - I am raising my kids on Biblical principles and my husband loves me.
v.29 - In the Lord, I don't have to compete.
v.30 - I fear the Lord.
v.31 - The Lord has gifted me and my accomplishments are in Him
...Praise Him!
You see, when I would read this scripture (through the lenses of insecurities) I thought this scripture was only applicable for the first lady, pastor's wife, a renowned woman of faith. I never saw myself in these shoes; until a year ago when I pastor gave an insert of this revelation in his Mother's Day sermon and I was broken from the bondage that I kept myself in because I felt like I could never measure up to this.
I want to encourage you today, see yourself the way that the Lord sees you. Go through the transformation process and be a new creation in Him ... know who you are in Him. If you are a wife, this is how God sees you, if you are a mother, this is how God sees you and if you are a woman, this is how God sees you. We get to this place by allowing the Lord to start and complete a work in us. Don't be clothed in your insecurities, let humility, faith, strength, love and compassion and praise be the garments that we put on.
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
You see, when I would read this scripture (through the lenses of insecurities) I thought this scripture was only applicable for the first lady, pastor's wife, a renowned woman of faith. I never saw myself in these shoes; until a year ago when I pastor gave an insert of this revelation in his Mother's Day sermon and I was broken from the bondage that I kept myself in because I felt like I could never measure up to this.
I want to encourage you today, see yourself the way that the Lord sees you. Go through the transformation process and be a new creation in Him ... know who you are in Him. If you are a wife, this is how God sees you, if you are a mother, this is how God sees you and if you are a woman, this is how God sees you. We get to this place by allowing the Lord to start and complete a work in us. Don't be clothed in your insecurities, let humility, faith, strength, love and compassion and praise be the garments that we put on.
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
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