My husband and I were 25 and 23 years old when we married. And although I had been a single-parent for 4 years prior, I can't really say we knew a whole lot about marriage and what it would take to stay united, neither one of us had been married before. We only received counseling before we married for a short period of time and we did our best to read up on things and talk with other married couples. One of the first books we read together was "Boy Meets Girl." by Joshua Harris. I definitely recommend this book to those who are engaged or you are thinking about marriage. When I was single; I would attend conferences trying to learn about how to be a good wife and what to bring to the marriage. I learned basic things like; don't bring baggage from your past, clear up your credit, keep a clean house and always look your best! Yeah, if I could really be honest, that advice didn't even make a dent in our marriage. After being married, I remember my husband and I attending a marriage conference and I asked the question, "How do you encourage your husband when you can't even encourage yourself?" Unfortunately, I did not get a response.
Getting settled into the marriage and now trying to function as a family (a blended family), things started to kick off. I am going into the marriage having been a single-mom who provided for herself since she was a teenager, fueled by "Independence." My husband is coming in from being shelter and provided for all of his life. His upbringing was different and my upbringing was different and all we knew to do was function from that, so we did. I headed up our home; managed the finances,disciplined our daughter, made the decisions and choices and didn't include my husband. That's what I knew to do ... Survive! And I had the mindset that no one was going to take care of me, but ME. "I can do bad by myself and I don't need a man." was my tagline for our marriage. I was very outspoken and my husband was laid back and would avoid communication and conflict whenever he could. When things would go wrong, I wanted to talk (counsel actually) because I thought I had it all figured out and for me, he was the problem, not me; I wanted to argue and I wanted to get my point across. After awhile that starts to get frustrating when the other person is not communicating with you.
It seemed like our marriage was over before it started. Our finances were up and down, our bad days out-weighed our good days and we didn't know where to turn. And if that wasn't enough, we were getting opposition from people on the outside; expressing their opinions and thoughts about out me, him and our marriage... It was a mess! I had convinced myself that it was for the best if this marriage just ended, after all neither one of us was happy and we were still young, we could remarry and get it right the next time. After all, things weren't looking up and we both were miserable. After a couple of years, we made the decision to seek marital counseling and although it wasn't life-changing for us, we were grateful for what we received from it. Things changed for a little while and then we were back in the same place all over again. Because anything that doesn't get resolved just lays dormant. We couldn't understand how all of this was happening. We were sure that God had joined us together. Where was the happiness? Why was I failing at being a wife and he at being a husband? Did we really hear God?
On the toughest days I would watch our marriage video tape. I wanted to go back and remember the time when we were happy. It had a small intimate wedding (in our backyard); so many of our closest friends and family were there and they were rutting for us to make it. The preacher who married us took the time to pray for us throughout the entire ceremony and although he didn't know us personally, he said, "I believe the 2 of you are suppose to be married." My husband and I cried saying our vows, we had fought against so much opposition and we were committed to our marriage. I would cry out to the Lord asking him to help us and save our marriage.
In 11 years of marriage I have learned that the wedding is for the people, but, the marriage is for the husband and wife. My husband and I didn't really have a clear picture of what marriage looked or should be like. My parents never married and my mom divorced twice. My husband's parents were married for over a decade, but there wasn't a clear picture of the roles of husband and wife. Yes, I knew the scripture Proverbs 31, but if that was what I needed to line myself up with ... that was an automatic fail! All we knew was that we were in trouble and we had made our petition known before the Lord and we were now in the holding tank and our faith was weary.
Maybe you are in the holding tank for your marriage and you are in your toughest days. Take your petitions to the Lord for the saving and restoring of your marriage. Our hearts were sure that we were joined by God and what He has joined together let no man separate, Mark 10:9
There's hope for your marriage. Stay with me on this journey has I continue to share with you God's awesome power. I can't share the testimony without sharing the test first.
To be continued ...
Tynisha
Getting settled into the marriage and now trying to function as a family (a blended family), things started to kick off. I am going into the marriage having been a single-mom who provided for herself since she was a teenager, fueled by "Independence." My husband is coming in from being shelter and provided for all of his life. His upbringing was different and my upbringing was different and all we knew to do was function from that, so we did. I headed up our home; managed the finances,disciplined our daughter, made the decisions and choices and didn't include my husband. That's what I knew to do ... Survive! And I had the mindset that no one was going to take care of me, but ME. "I can do bad by myself and I don't need a man." was my tagline for our marriage. I was very outspoken and my husband was laid back and would avoid communication and conflict whenever he could. When things would go wrong, I wanted to talk (counsel actually) because I thought I had it all figured out and for me, he was the problem, not me; I wanted to argue and I wanted to get my point across. After awhile that starts to get frustrating when the other person is not communicating with you.
It seemed like our marriage was over before it started. Our finances were up and down, our bad days out-weighed our good days and we didn't know where to turn. And if that wasn't enough, we were getting opposition from people on the outside; expressing their opinions and thoughts about out me, him and our marriage... It was a mess! I had convinced myself that it was for the best if this marriage just ended, after all neither one of us was happy and we were still young, we could remarry and get it right the next time. After all, things weren't looking up and we both were miserable. After a couple of years, we made the decision to seek marital counseling and although it wasn't life-changing for us, we were grateful for what we received from it. Things changed for a little while and then we were back in the same place all over again. Because anything that doesn't get resolved just lays dormant. We couldn't understand how all of this was happening. We were sure that God had joined us together. Where was the happiness? Why was I failing at being a wife and he at being a husband? Did we really hear God?
On the toughest days I would watch our marriage video tape. I wanted to go back and remember the time when we were happy. It had a small intimate wedding (in our backyard); so many of our closest friends and family were there and they were rutting for us to make it. The preacher who married us took the time to pray for us throughout the entire ceremony and although he didn't know us personally, he said, "I believe the 2 of you are suppose to be married." My husband and I cried saying our vows, we had fought against so much opposition and we were committed to our marriage. I would cry out to the Lord asking him to help us and save our marriage. In 11 years of marriage I have learned that the wedding is for the people, but, the marriage is for the husband and wife. My husband and I didn't really have a clear picture of what marriage looked or should be like. My parents never married and my mom divorced twice. My husband's parents were married for over a decade, but there wasn't a clear picture of the roles of husband and wife. Yes, I knew the scripture Proverbs 31, but if that was what I needed to line myself up with ... that was an automatic fail! All we knew was that we were in trouble and we had made our petition known before the Lord and we were now in the holding tank and our faith was weary.
Maybe you are in the holding tank for your marriage and you are in your toughest days. Take your petitions to the Lord for the saving and restoring of your marriage. Our hearts were sure that we were joined by God and what He has joined together let no man separate, Mark 10:9
There's hope for your marriage. Stay with me on this journey has I continue to share with you God's awesome power. I can't share the testimony without sharing the test first.
To be continued ...
Tynisha
Thanks for posting!
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