Happy Monday! Lately, my posts have been sporadic and I do apologize. I was talking with my husband and sharing with him how this blog has become a part of my life and I am ministered by it just like you are and through it, I have connected with you and we have become a community. So lately, I have felt disconnected from all of you. But it's good to be back and back on track with posting daily. So before I get into things with me; "how are you, how are things going in your life?" "What decisions have you had to make that the Lord has been pressing you on?" "Has there been a shift in your life; good or bad?" Where ever you are today in your life, I just want to encourage you to keep pressing and keep seeking the Lord.
In this new year, I find myself doing a lot of self-assessing; holding myself accountable on things, taking note of my strengths and weaknesses, going back and correcting my mistakes and enjoying my victories. It has become the "balancing beam" for my life. I'm trusting the Lord more and growing in my efforts to "step aside" and not try to control things that are going on around me. I've noticed that when I am not trying to be "superwoman", the Lord shows me my growth in situations and my growth with those that I have close relationship with.
In my marriage I have had to really learn how to "step aside" and let me my husband lead and lead without any conditions from me; as long as you don't mess it up or as long as you do it the way I would do it, or as long as the decision benefits me. Now, I may not have been saying those exact things, but those were certainly my thoughts and conditions of me stepping aside. This was a big boulder in our marriage. Being a single-mother prior to getting married and steering my life in "survival" gear; stepping aside was devastating for me. Pride and control made up my identity. I didn't know how to be something else. If I was in control, I felt safe; secure in the decisions that were being made and confident in the results that I was going to get. Even if things didn't work out the way that I wanted them to, for me, at least I was the one who had made the choice and because I was controlling the situation, I already had a plan B in mind. So to ask me to relinquish that type of control...it really took the "hand of God" to move in my life!
Last night my husband was making me aware of a situation that could potentially arise for us at the end of this week. And so I wouldn't be surprise, he wanted to share it with me before hand. This situation would alter some things for us financially. Now before I go further with this, I want to share with you the place that I had to get to before I can pat myself on the back for surrendering over to the Lord and giving the Glory to the Lord for all He has done. I maintain our household budget; so I see what's coming in and what's going out. And because my husband trusts me to do that and before I realized the grip that rejection had on my life, I use to feel like he was just leaving me out there to dry and really didn't care about things. Today, I know, that's not his heart. But because I was the one handling things, I would use that to control things; what we bought, when we would buy it, how much money he would have for his personal use (which was lower than my amount) and when it came time to make the big decisions; I would shut him out. My thinking was, if I am the one that is managing it, then I am the one making the decisions .... that is so out of order and so not the way that the Lord wants us to function in our marriages. But then I learned through marriage counseling, that, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses; and what I may be good at, my husband may not be and that's okay and we use those abilities to balance each other out. But it's not for me to use as leverage so I can get my way or control things.
My husband is a hard-working man. He works a very physically-intense job through all types of weather conditions. And I have my issues with the company he works for and how they do things and there use to be a time I would really let those issues bother me. So, I would express my opinion and thoughts - until one day, the Lord told me how ungrateful I was towards my husband getting up everyday, 6 days a week, rain or shine to provide for us and all I do is complain. I didn't realize that even though I was talking about the company, I was still downing him and making him feel like his hard-work wasn't good enough. Whenever something would go wrong, I would (be quick to) complain about it and TELL him what he needed to do. I wouldn't give him the opportunity to express his feelings and share his ideas. I mean after all, he was the one working the job, surely, it was affecting him as well. But I didn't stop to think that he was frustrated and felt unappreciated by the company and me. So, I was just the anchor that threw him over the cliff. The Lord also showed me how I was being ungrateful to Him (the Lord). How I didn't recognize His provision for my family. Again, because things weren't going the way that I thought they should and because I didn't feel secure (because I wasn't in control of things), I would complain and I wouldn't "step aside."
Now, someone might say, "what's wrong with wanting to feel secure ... Nothing!" It's good to have security in our lives, especially when it comes to our finances and lively-hood. But it's whom and what our security is built upon that puts us in error and the fact that I was not "stepping aside" and letting my husband lead, didn't allow my marriage to honor God. My security needs to be in the Lord, not in myself. My decisions and choices should be prompted by the Holy Spirit and I should be walking along side of my husband not in front of him! I use to think that if I "stepped aside," I was weak. I had convinced myself, my family works better with me leading ... PLEASE DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE! When I really reflect on all of this; I was always stressed out, moody, didn't smile, depressed, and my mind would not stop spinning; I had a lot of sleepless nights. So even though I thought I was in control, I was really just a hamster spinning my wheel, getting no where; no where in life and certainly no where in my marriage. Wives, the Lord did not make us to be a burden to our husbands nor did He create us to carry the weight of certain burdens. We were created to be a "help mate" to our husbands. Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Last night, I was proud of my husband; hearing how he was going to handle the situation and feeling confident in his choices because he knew I was standing beside him. We prayed about the situation and asked for guidance on how to handle it and for exposure of ourselves and how we are handling things. And I went to bed with such a peace.
I have learned 2 things from "stepping aside" and I am sure, that as I continue on this journey of humbling myself and surrendering to the Lord, I will continue to learn more. But at this point; I have learned that; when I "step aside" my husband is able to take his rightful position in our home and in our family and we are happy in our marriage. I have also learned that, by me "stepping aside" my trust is in the Lord and the Holy Spirit is where my security comes from.
So I encourage you today; "step aside" and make it safe for your husband to step up. Don't walk ahead of him. So what if he doesn't do it your way and if he messes up, at least he can have the confidence of trying again; knowing that his wife is by his side. "Step aside" so you can walk WITH your husband and not in front of him or behind him. "Step aside" so you can sleep at night, laugh more and enjoy your marriage. "Step aside" so you can get to a place where you are trusting the Lord and understanding that your security comes from Him.
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
In this new year, I find myself doing a lot of self-assessing; holding myself accountable on things, taking note of my strengths and weaknesses, going back and correcting my mistakes and enjoying my victories. It has become the "balancing beam" for my life. I'm trusting the Lord more and growing in my efforts to "step aside" and not try to control things that are going on around me. I've noticed that when I am not trying to be "superwoman", the Lord shows me my growth in situations and my growth with those that I have close relationship with.
In my marriage I have had to really learn how to "step aside" and let me my husband lead and lead without any conditions from me; as long as you don't mess it up or as long as you do it the way I would do it, or as long as the decision benefits me. Now, I may not have been saying those exact things, but those were certainly my thoughts and conditions of me stepping aside. This was a big boulder in our marriage. Being a single-mother prior to getting married and steering my life in "survival" gear; stepping aside was devastating for me. Pride and control made up my identity. I didn't know how to be something else. If I was in control, I felt safe; secure in the decisions that were being made and confident in the results that I was going to get. Even if things didn't work out the way that I wanted them to, for me, at least I was the one who had made the choice and because I was controlling the situation, I already had a plan B in mind. So to ask me to relinquish that type of control...it really took the "hand of God" to move in my life!
Last night my husband was making me aware of a situation that could potentially arise for us at the end of this week. And so I wouldn't be surprise, he wanted to share it with me before hand. This situation would alter some things for us financially. Now before I go further with this, I want to share with you the place that I had to get to before I can pat myself on the back for surrendering over to the Lord and giving the Glory to the Lord for all He has done. I maintain our household budget; so I see what's coming in and what's going out. And because my husband trusts me to do that and before I realized the grip that rejection had on my life, I use to feel like he was just leaving me out there to dry and really didn't care about things. Today, I know, that's not his heart. But because I was the one handling things, I would use that to control things; what we bought, when we would buy it, how much money he would have for his personal use (which was lower than my amount) and when it came time to make the big decisions; I would shut him out. My thinking was, if I am the one that is managing it, then I am the one making the decisions .... that is so out of order and so not the way that the Lord wants us to function in our marriages. But then I learned through marriage counseling, that, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses; and what I may be good at, my husband may not be and that's okay and we use those abilities to balance each other out. But it's not for me to use as leverage so I can get my way or control things.
My husband is a hard-working man. He works a very physically-intense job through all types of weather conditions. And I have my issues with the company he works for and how they do things and there use to be a time I would really let those issues bother me. So, I would express my opinion and thoughts - until one day, the Lord told me how ungrateful I was towards my husband getting up everyday, 6 days a week, rain or shine to provide for us and all I do is complain. I didn't realize that even though I was talking about the company, I was still downing him and making him feel like his hard-work wasn't good enough. Whenever something would go wrong, I would (be quick to) complain about it and TELL him what he needed to do. I wouldn't give him the opportunity to express his feelings and share his ideas. I mean after all, he was the one working the job, surely, it was affecting him as well. But I didn't stop to think that he was frustrated and felt unappreciated by the company and me. So, I was just the anchor that threw him over the cliff. The Lord also showed me how I was being ungrateful to Him (the Lord). How I didn't recognize His provision for my family. Again, because things weren't going the way that I thought they should and because I didn't feel secure (because I wasn't in control of things), I would complain and I wouldn't "step aside."
Now, someone might say, "what's wrong with wanting to feel secure ... Nothing!" It's good to have security in our lives, especially when it comes to our finances and lively-hood. But it's whom and what our security is built upon that puts us in error and the fact that I was not "stepping aside" and letting my husband lead, didn't allow my marriage to honor God. My security needs to be in the Lord, not in myself. My decisions and choices should be prompted by the Holy Spirit and I should be walking along side of my husband not in front of him! I use to think that if I "stepped aside," I was weak. I had convinced myself, my family works better with me leading ... PLEASE DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE! When I really reflect on all of this; I was always stressed out, moody, didn't smile, depressed, and my mind would not stop spinning; I had a lot of sleepless nights. So even though I thought I was in control, I was really just a hamster spinning my wheel, getting no where; no where in life and certainly no where in my marriage. Wives, the Lord did not make us to be a burden to our husbands nor did He create us to carry the weight of certain burdens. We were created to be a "help mate" to our husbands. Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Last night, I was proud of my husband; hearing how he was going to handle the situation and feeling confident in his choices because he knew I was standing beside him. We prayed about the situation and asked for guidance on how to handle it and for exposure of ourselves and how we are handling things. And I went to bed with such a peace.
I have learned 2 things from "stepping aside" and I am sure, that as I continue on this journey of humbling myself and surrendering to the Lord, I will continue to learn more. But at this point; I have learned that; when I "step aside" my husband is able to take his rightful position in our home and in our family and we are happy in our marriage. I have also learned that, by me "stepping aside" my trust is in the Lord and the Holy Spirit is where my security comes from.
So I encourage you today; "step aside" and make it safe for your husband to step up. Don't walk ahead of him. So what if he doesn't do it your way and if he messes up, at least he can have the confidence of trying again; knowing that his wife is by his side. "Step aside" so you can walk WITH your husband and not in front of him or behind him. "Step aside" so you can sleep at night, laugh more and enjoy your marriage. "Step aside" so you can get to a place where you are trusting the Lord and understanding that your security comes from Him.
Remember, surrender all ...
Tynisha
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