What is Your Relationship Status?

I'm starting to realize more and more how important it is to be relational.  I also understand that it is going to look different in the various areas of my life. My relationship with my family, will be very different from my relationships with friends and coworkers. But, never the less, it's still important that I am engaging in all of those units of my life. Before I get in to this, let me put the disclaimer out now that, "I'm not saying everyone needs to act the same way."  What I am saying is that, "for any relationship to work, you have to be aware of what is required on your behalf." People that knows me, will tell you that I love people. I am a socialist! I love to network, engage with other people, and I enjoy learning about others.  I'm comfortable in a big setting with a lot going on. I can cope in small, intimate settings, but they are definitely not my preference. Recently I was out with a good friend and our children at a local amusement park. Trying to find parking, was like trying to find a needle in a hack stack. While I'm in my car (pumped with adrenaline) trying to find the closest parking space. Little did I know, in the car behind me, she is in frustration mode, tipping over to anxiety, hoping I would just settle for the 2 mile walk and park in the other lot. As we finally parked and settled ourselves down, she shared how the setting we were in, was not her typical preference and she had to gear herself up for the day ahead. I was totally shocked to hear that! You see, I am learning to be more cautious about remembering, not everyone is the same. Just because someone is participating, doesn't mean they are comfortable. 

What I appreciate about my friend (for over 15 years), is that she knew, although the loud noises and multitudes of people, were out of her comfort zone, she still needed to embrace this moment and engage, as best as she could...I totally respect that.  Often times, we REFUSE to allow ourselves to be stretched and enter into the unfamiliar.  We don't always like to feel uncomfortable, especially if it's going to expose our weaknesses.  But, when we don't engage or even interact for that matter, and we now slap on the tag "introvert" we prevent ourselves from getting the full experience and for the others that may be involved, we short-change them from knowing us.  There is no way to get around interacting with others or having some degree of a relationship with the people in our lives, it's how we function in this thing called life.  Unfortunately, I have met some leaders and even worked for some who are NOT relational.  I've seen the effect that it has had on both the boss and the employees.  You end up only leading from one spectrum and your leadership is always in question.  It's difficult for people to be comfortable in your presence and relax.  Others are never sure how you are going to respond or if you even care about the situation.  As the leader, you do yourself a dis-service when you choose to function this way.  You never really get to know the individuals that you spend more than half of your day with, from the time you wake up in the morning.  Believe it or not, it's even challenging for you to really be able to identify certain behaviors or triggers that may be causing a person to produce poorly. You also rob a person from receiving your "best self!" As the leader, you have a lot more to offer, than giving out directives-it's why you are in the role. But when you don't know how to engage or refuse to be relational, no one wins in that.

Relationships can be tough, no doubt about it. But what they can not be, is escaped. One way or another, you will have to engage with others. Now, how that looks, is totally up to you. But here's my question, "why not be like my friend and realize what makes you uncomfortable, and decide to be stretched and grow in an area of your life, that hasn't always yield the best fruit?" Every relationship will look different and require something different of you. Certainly you can have boundaries and limitations (you won't break bread with everyone), as some relationships will mandate that.  Remember, the experience is not just for you, but for those around you as well.  I'm always looking to learn new things, whether it's from a classroom, an, experience or the people in my life. It allows me to grow as a person. I understand that whether I function in the role of ; wife, mother, relative or leader, I will determine, how much a person will get from me and that amount will make a difference in their life...good or bad!

I encourage you, in whatever area of your life that you feel challenged in the relationship, step-out! Allow yourself to be relational.  With no strings attached or unreasonable expectations, engage others and let the experience be rewarding for you and them.  If we let our past (negative) experiences drive us into the future, we will only live a life half-full.  We need others in this world, it's why we are not the only person on this earth.  Change your status when it comes to being relational, don't stunt your growth as a person, you have so much to offer.