"Grieve not the Holy Spirit!" Ephesians 4:30. Although I have heard this scripture on many occasions, it wasn't until I attended the funeral for my dear friend of 20 years, that it became real to me. We last saw each other at my 40th surprise birthday celebration, four months before she passed away. Prior to then, we had not seen each other in years and our subtle interactions consisted of us liking one another's pics on Facebook or giving a thumbs up to a post expressing our like. Life and the way we interact with others today has definitely changed since I was a kid. Have you ever stop to really think about how we truly engage in our relationships today? You to, will admit that many of us (although we live in the same city/state) maintain virtual friendships. Face-to-face contact has diminished to "Face Time" and Emoji's and quality time has become exclusive by "invite only."
During our two decades of being friends and sisters in Christ, a lot took place in our lives, good and bad. We both had our fair share of disappointments and loss. Your heart is to stay in touch, but, the hard reality is, it doesn't always turn out that way. When you yourself are trying to stay above water, you only really only have strength for you and your family. And when you look up, 10 years have passed.
My experiences took me weeping to the feet of Jesus and she scrambled to pick up the pieces of her life after being hurt by others (including those in the church), she never really was able to get on a path of stability.
Sitting in the pews of the church, I found myself mourning over so much. Tears uncontrollably running down my face, I found myself in a place where every emotion that was on the inside of me, had now surfaced for everyone to see. Shaking and trembling with grief, there were so many thoughts running through my mind. Life for me had changed once again.
Days leading up to the celebration of her life; I thought about the good times we shared. I thought about how inseparable we were at one point in our lives. I thought about how we ran hard for the Lord and would travel all around to women conferences, hungry for a touch from the Lord. I thought about how she was there whenever I called her and never complained. I thought about how when we were together, we could be ourselves. And then guilt started to set in. Because I now started to think about how her life took a different turn and how we lived very different lives. I thought about how she must have endured some lonely times and I never made a phone call to check in on her. I thought about how in the recent years she was in and out of the hospital (stays I didn't even know about) and I never said a prayer or made a visit. I thought about how she struggled and I wasn't there to encourage her, to tell her to keep fighting the good fight of faith. And when I heard of the depression that she suffered from, I thought about how she had lost her hope and that maybe if I would have shared with her my encounter with the Lord and reminded her of how much of a father HE is, it might had made a difference in her life. It was at this phase of mourning, that I realized that I was not only mourning the loss of her life, but, I was also grieving the loss of our friendship and covenant.
At this point, anger was definitely rising up in me. Over the years, other friendships had formed in my life and taken the place of those that I had my first real friendships with and who I first experienced God with. Friendships that were also centered around the faith, but that kept me very disconnected from others. I was angry that my attention was only focused on those people who were around me and in my intimate circle. Connecting with individuals who had not left their faith and was walking with the Lord. People who, sadly enough, still required more than the person who doesn't know the Lord. People who ministered the faith, are connected to a thriving church, have full access to prayer and counseling, people who needed the attention that my dear friend was absent of, but, still required so much more. I was angry because I had allowed myself to be boxed in (within the four walls of the church), away from the world not showing love to those who so desperately needed it, even though God's word say something different. "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." Mark 16:15. I was angry because the very friendships that I stayed up late at night for, encouraged them to stand for their marriages and children, prayed for healing and reminded them that they were more than a conqueror, were all set on conditions. I understand that relationships should be unconditional and I was committed to that, however, others were not. I was angry because I was so far removed from what was going on in the world around me, that my friend was in need of faith and healing. I was angry because I know it's not the heart of God to only minister to the saints, but also to the loss. "I have made you a light for the Gentile that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth." Acts 13:47 The devil really started to play with my mind; thoughts of my dear friend crying out for someone to bombard heaven on her behalf, to tell her one more time "this to shall pass" and remind her of the father's love, tormented me. This anger had now caused me to grieve!
To grieve is to be mentally distressed. Daily, my mind was attacked by the thoughts of what wasn't and what should have been. Mentally, I was not in a good place. But, it was also at this point that I learned that dealing with loss can take place two-fold. Naturally, we will all mourn the loss of a loved one, job, house or anything that has a significant place in our lives. You see, this wasn't the first time that I mourned the loss of a loved one or something relevant in my life. I have experienced losing a job, house and a car. But, it was the first time that my mourning turned into grief. My emotions were at an all time high. Guilt was all over me. I wanted another moment with her to tell her that even though we no longer talked everyday, I often thought about her. That even though we didn't see each other as often, she was still the only person who could make me laugh until my stomach hurt. I wanted her to know that our covenant in Christ didn't break because her faith got tested and tried. This unexpected death was taking place during a time in my life that so much change was happening and I didn't know how to properly place it in the season I was in.
"To the family and friends, I want to remind you that, you can mourn, BUT, you can not grieve!" It was those words and the explanation of it by the pastor giving the eulogy, that brought deliverance to me. You see, God's grace allows us the capacity to mourn loss. But even in that, His expectation is that we move on. Grieve paralyzes you and prevents you from moving forth in the things of the Lord and living life. It's why Jesus told the man who wanted to bury his father, " Follow me and let the dead bury the dead." Luke 9:59-60. Jesus wasn't being insensitive or harsh, he understood what so many of us forget...to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, 2 Corinthians 5:8. The Holy Spirit convicted me and ministered to me in that moment how me grieving was also causing me to be in sin. Depression had settled in and life for me was at a stand-still. God told me that it was not Christ-like to grieve the very thing that HE gives...life! We may not agree with time that one's life will end, but His word promises HE will turn our mourning into joy, Jeremiah 31:13.
When I walked into that room and heard "SURPRISE" I will never forget looking over to my left and seeing your beautiful smile. Your presence reminded me that no matter how much time had lapsed, at the dial of your number, you would still be there. You stayed until everyone else had left and we talked about old times and even got another one of our dear friends to sing our favorite song, reminding us both of our time together in the faith. Neither one of us knew that that would be our last hug and the last time we would say to each other "I love you." Thank you Lord, for allowing our friendship to end the same way it started...with LOVE!!!
Food for thought....
We will all go through things in life and with some of it will come loss. We will loose a loved one, a marriage will end, a child will stray, a dream will die, a job will be lost, a home will be taken. Be reminded of God's love for us and his promises. He will provide a way of escape when the enemy tries to come and torment our minds 1 Corinthian 10:13.
Scriptures to meditate on
Psalms 30:11 He will turn your wailing into dancing
Isaiah 61:1-3 The Good News
Psalm 30:5 Joy comes in the morning
Jeremiah 31:17
Be Blessed,
Tynisha
During our two decades of being friends and sisters in Christ, a lot took place in our lives, good and bad. We both had our fair share of disappointments and loss. Your heart is to stay in touch, but, the hard reality is, it doesn't always turn out that way. When you yourself are trying to stay above water, you only really only have strength for you and your family. And when you look up, 10 years have passed.
My experiences took me weeping to the feet of Jesus and she scrambled to pick up the pieces of her life after being hurt by others (including those in the church), she never really was able to get on a path of stability.
Sitting in the pews of the church, I found myself mourning over so much. Tears uncontrollably running down my face, I found myself in a place where every emotion that was on the inside of me, had now surfaced for everyone to see. Shaking and trembling with grief, there were so many thoughts running through my mind. Life for me had changed once again.
Days leading up to the celebration of her life; I thought about the good times we shared. I thought about how inseparable we were at one point in our lives. I thought about how we ran hard for the Lord and would travel all around to women conferences, hungry for a touch from the Lord. I thought about how she was there whenever I called her and never complained. I thought about how when we were together, we could be ourselves. And then guilt started to set in. Because I now started to think about how her life took a different turn and how we lived very different lives. I thought about how she must have endured some lonely times and I never made a phone call to check in on her. I thought about how in the recent years she was in and out of the hospital (stays I didn't even know about) and I never said a prayer or made a visit. I thought about how she struggled and I wasn't there to encourage her, to tell her to keep fighting the good fight of faith. And when I heard of the depression that she suffered from, I thought about how she had lost her hope and that maybe if I would have shared with her my encounter with the Lord and reminded her of how much of a father HE is, it might had made a difference in her life. It was at this phase of mourning, that I realized that I was not only mourning the loss of her life, but, I was also grieving the loss of our friendship and covenant.
At this point, anger was definitely rising up in me. Over the years, other friendships had formed in my life and taken the place of those that I had my first real friendships with and who I first experienced God with. Friendships that were also centered around the faith, but that kept me very disconnected from others. I was angry that my attention was only focused on those people who were around me and in my intimate circle. Connecting with individuals who had not left their faith and was walking with the Lord. People who, sadly enough, still required more than the person who doesn't know the Lord. People who ministered the faith, are connected to a thriving church, have full access to prayer and counseling, people who needed the attention that my dear friend was absent of, but, still required so much more. I was angry because I had allowed myself to be boxed in (within the four walls of the church), away from the world not showing love to those who so desperately needed it, even though God's word say something different. "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." Mark 16:15. I was angry because the very friendships that I stayed up late at night for, encouraged them to stand for their marriages and children, prayed for healing and reminded them that they were more than a conqueror, were all set on conditions. I understand that relationships should be unconditional and I was committed to that, however, others were not. I was angry because I was so far removed from what was going on in the world around me, that my friend was in need of faith and healing. I was angry because I know it's not the heart of God to only minister to the saints, but also to the loss. "I have made you a light for the Gentile that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth." Acts 13:47 The devil really started to play with my mind; thoughts of my dear friend crying out for someone to bombard heaven on her behalf, to tell her one more time "this to shall pass" and remind her of the father's love, tormented me. This anger had now caused me to grieve!
To grieve is to be mentally distressed. Daily, my mind was attacked by the thoughts of what wasn't and what should have been. Mentally, I was not in a good place. But, it was also at this point that I learned that dealing with loss can take place two-fold. Naturally, we will all mourn the loss of a loved one, job, house or anything that has a significant place in our lives. You see, this wasn't the first time that I mourned the loss of a loved one or something relevant in my life. I have experienced losing a job, house and a car. But, it was the first time that my mourning turned into grief. My emotions were at an all time high. Guilt was all over me. I wanted another moment with her to tell her that even though we no longer talked everyday, I often thought about her. That even though we didn't see each other as often, she was still the only person who could make me laugh until my stomach hurt. I wanted her to know that our covenant in Christ didn't break because her faith got tested and tried. This unexpected death was taking place during a time in my life that so much change was happening and I didn't know how to properly place it in the season I was in.
When I walked into that room and heard "SURPRISE" I will never forget looking over to my left and seeing your beautiful smile. Your presence reminded me that no matter how much time had lapsed, at the dial of your number, you would still be there. You stayed until everyone else had left and we talked about old times and even got another one of our dear friends to sing our favorite song, reminding us both of our time together in the faith. Neither one of us knew that that would be our last hug and the last time we would say to each other "I love you." Thank you Lord, for allowing our friendship to end the same way it started...with LOVE!!!
Food for thought....
We will all go through things in life and with some of it will come loss. We will loose a loved one, a marriage will end, a child will stray, a dream will die, a job will be lost, a home will be taken. Be reminded of God's love for us and his promises. He will provide a way of escape when the enemy tries to come and torment our minds 1 Corinthian 10:13.
Scriptures to meditate on
Psalms 30:11 He will turn your wailing into dancing
Isaiah 61:1-3 The Good News
Psalm 30:5 Joy comes in the morning
Jeremiah 31:17
Be Blessed,
Tynisha
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